Respect for Parents in Islam

One who disobeys his father, disrespects him and insults him is a wrongdoer, sinner, and will be subjected to punishment in the hereafter.

Disobedience of the father, is disobedience of Allah, and the fathers anger is ‘anger’ of Allah.

If men were to stay obedient to his parents then they can be his paradise and if they are made angry then the same parents can be his Jahannum.
Until one does not please his parents (after abusing them), his obligatory (Fardh), optional (Nafl) or any action will not be accepted. Together with punishment in the hereafter, he will get torment problems in this world as well. May Allah forbid, it is feared that he will not get a chance to recite the Kalimah at the time of death.

It is stated in a Hadith
“Obidence of Allah is the obidience of the father. Disobidence of Allah is disobidence of the father”. Tibrani – narrated from Hadhrat Abu Hurairah RadiAllahu Anhu

It is stated in another tradition:
“Allah’s pleasures is in the pleasure of the father, and Allah’s displeasure is in the displeasure of the father”. Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah & Hakim narrated by Hadhrat Abdullah ibn ‘Umar.
In a third Hadith related by Hadhrat Abu Ammamah RadiAllah Anhu in Ibn Majah:
“They (parents) are your Paradise and Hell”.
In a fourth Hadith related by Hadhrat Abu Darda RadiAllah Anhu in Tirmidhi & Ibn Majah:
“The father is the most central (middle) door of all doors of Paradise, it is up to you that you may lose it or protect it”.
In a fifth Hadith reported by Hadhrat Abu ‘Umar in Nisai:
“Three people will not enter Paradise – Disobident to parents,Shameless people Women who take the appearance of men”.
In a sixth Hadith reported by Hadhrat Abu Ammama RadiAllahu Anhu in Ibn Abu Asim
“Allah does not accept the Fardh or Nafl from three people: a) Disobedient person who reminds the taker after giving Charity
b) That person who disbelieves that good deeds and bad deeds are from Allah.
c) Disobedient to his parents.
In a seventh Hadith it is stated stated in Tibrani/Hakim from Hadhrat Abu Bakr RadiAllahu Anhu “The punishment for all sins, if Allah wills can be suspended until the day of judgement, except the punishment for disobedience of parents – which Allah sends in this lifetime”.
It is also stated in Ahmed and Tibrani – related from Hadhrat Abdullah bin Abu Auf RadiAllah Anhu: “There was a young man who was on his death bed (in the state of Naza’) – people were encouraging him to recite the shahadah (Kalima), but he was unable to – until the Prophet entered the scene and asked him to recite the Kalima – to which he replied I cannot do so – it was then found that his mother was unhappy with him so she was brought fourth and forgave him – he then was able to recite the Shahadah”.

Parents as Blessings

Parents are means through which we were created – hence the blessings – worldly or religious that we attain are all as a result of the parents.Parents are such a blessings that we cannot repay it ever. Their struggling through your upbringing, difficulties endured for your luxuries especially the mother – enduring through 9 months, labouring through birth, sacrificing her comfort sleep only for you – how can we ever repay her difficulties ?In a nutshell they are a reflection of the protection and mercy of Allah Almighty.hence we see that Allah has mentioned his favour with the favour of parents. “Be thankful towards me and your parents”.It is found in Tibrani, narrated by Barida RadiAllahu Anhu, “A companion presented himself before the Prophet and said, O Messenger of Allah, I have taken my mother upon my shoulders for a journey of six miles upon a surface so hot that if a piece of meet were to be thrown on it, it would turn into a kebab, have I now fulfilled her rights over me?
In reply the Prophet said: “Maybe you have repayed one such painful brust/spasm that was experienced amongst endless spasms during the time of your birth”.
One of the signs of the end of time (Qiyamah) are that man will arise on the orders of his wife and will ignore the suggestions of his parents. He will maintainsound ties with his friends, but keep distances from his parents.
It is found in Tibrani from Abi Bakrah RadiAllahu Anhu, “Shall I not inform you of the most evil sin of all Big sin. Shall I not inform you of the greatest sin of all great sins. Shall I not inform you of the greatest sin of all great sins”. The companions stated, “What O Messenger of Allah” He siad, “commiting association with Allah and teasing parents”.
In Nisai / Hakim narrated by Ibn Umar RadiAllahu Anhu that the Messenger states, “Three will not enter Paradise:
1. He who is cruel to parents
2. Shamless people
3. Women who take male apperance”. It is found in Tibrani and Hakim from Abu Hurairah RaidAllahu Anhu: Accursed is he who is cruel to his parents
Accursed is he who is cruel to his parents
Accursed is he who is cruel to his parents
Accursed is he who is cruel to his parents.
It is also found in ibn Jaban related from ibn Abbas RadiAllahu Anhu, “Allah’s curse is upon him who gives verbal abuse to his parents.”
It is found in Tibrani from Abdullah bin Auf RaidAllahu Anhu, ‘A young man was in the state of Naza’ (death bed) and was unable to recite the Kalima – The Prophet found out about this and presented at the scene. He asked the young man to recite the Kalima but he said that he was unable to. On this people said he used to abuse his mother, the Prophet called his mother and stated, “If there was a massive fire made and it is dais that intercede for this man or else we will we burn him – would you intercede for him at this point?” She said “Yes I would!” then the Prophet said, “Make Allah and me witness that you are happy with your son – she said ‘O Allah and his Messenger that I am pleased with my son”. Then the Prophet turned towards the young man “O young man! Say the Shahadah, the young man recited the kalimah and then passed away. The Prophet said: “All praise for Allah who has through my meditation protected him from the fire.”
‘Awwan bin Khoshab RadiAllahu Anhu was a Tab’been who passed away in 148 hijri – he states “I went to a community which had at one end a graveyard – it was the time of ‘Asr and a grave split open and from it came out a man who had the head of a donkey – He ‘Hi-howd’ loudly three times like a donkey then the grave closed again… …then a women told me that the man in the grave was an alcoholic who used to live with his mother – when he returned home in the evening his mother would advise him to quit drinking to which he would reply “You ‘Hi-how like a donkey’. This very man died at the time of ‘Asr and since then everyday after ‘Asr his grave opens and he comes out with a donkeys head and cries out three times and then returns. (related in Lasubhani)
It is Makrooh-e-Tehrirmi (near Harram) (and Wajib-ul-Ia-dah, neccessary to repeat) to pray Salaah behind an Imam who indulges in cruelty / abuse towards his parents.
It is stated in sageery: “To make a Fasiq (open sinner) an Imam is Makrroh-e-Tehrimi.”
It is also stated “Those who make a fasiq an imam are sinful because to make such a person an Imam is Makrooh-e-Tehrimi.
In the Islamic Law (Shariah) it is advised that one should show anger towards such a fasiq it is prohibited to respect such a person.
“According to shariah it is Wajib to insult a fasiq” To sit with him, gather with him for a feast, or to invite him over for a feast all are prohibited actions.
It is found in Abu Dawood and Tirmidhi, related by Abdullah bin Mas’ud that the Prophet states; “When the community of Bani Israel indulged in sin their scholars tried to stop them, but without success. These scholars sat with tem In their sessions, in their meals, sat with them to drink – so Allah insulted the effects of Bani Israel into the hearts of the scholars as well. To the extent they were now as one. Then they were all cursed by the TINGUES of Hadhrat Dawood and Hadhrat Isa Ibn Maryam Alaihis Salam. This was the recompense for their sins and their transgression.
All those people to stand by and support the person (who transgresses against his parents) are also grave sinners’
Allah states:
“And do not support in sin and transgress”.
We previously came across a hadith in which those people who sat, ate, drank, with evil-doers were also cursed. Then, think what grave punishment would be upon those who support them – Allah give us protection and give believers the ability to repent, Ameen!
In terms of giving Charity (sadqah) – if such a person has a need then if the intention is not supporting in sins then it is permissible. Since the Prophet said: “Every warm – hearted action possess reward.”

Parents: Who comes first?

Children have a greater duty upon their mothers than their fathers.
Allah states: “And we have emphasised man to maintain bond relations with his parents. His mother kept him in his womb with difficulty, and gave birth with difficulty and he lied in the womb and obtained (milk) for 30 months”.
In this blessed verse Allah has again mentioned the importance of parents rights and has stressed even more the rights of the mother by mentioning the tremendous difficulty of pregnancy, labour and the time after when the mother gives the child the milk (extracted from her own blood)
Also in another verse Allah states:
“And we have emphasised man concerning the rights of his parents”.
Hadhrat ‘Aisha RadiAllahu Anha states:
“I asked the Messenger upon a women who has the greatest rights’ he replied ‘Her Husband’ then I aksed ‘Upon men who has the greatest right, he said ‘his mother’.
Hadhrat Abu Hurairah RadiAllahu Anhu:
“One man came to the messenger of Allah and requested/asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah, who is the most worthy that I may have good relations with them he replied, ‘Your mother’ the man asked again, the reply was ‘Your mother’, the man asked again, the reply was ‘Your father’
In another narration by Imam Ahmed / Ibn Majah / Hakim & Baihaqi it is stated as three times the rights of the father.
However, the excess right of the mother is concerning the care and aiding of the mother. (e.g) If one son wants to give £100 to his parents and there is no one in particular need then he should give – his mother £75 and father £25 (e.g) if the parents simultaneously asked for a glass of water then first the glass should be given to the mother then the father (e.g) Not that if there is a quarrel between the parents the son should support the mother and May Allah forbid hurt the father or speak cruelly to him or be arrogant towards him – these things are all unlawful and sinful not obedience of the mother nor father.If the mother wants the son to be arrangnat or forceful against his father and he disobeys her then she is angry – let her be unhappy – this does not enter into the rights of the mother.
It is stated in Alamgiri that “When it becomes difficult to fulfil the rights of both parents e.g. “If by fulfilling ones rights it becomes unbearable/difficult upon the other” then he should exceed more in respecting the father and exceed more (than the father) in caring/aiding his mother. E.g. if both arrived at the sons house then he should stand up in respect for his father and (if both ask) give the glass of water to the mother first”.

Passing Away

With respect to the responsibilities that children have for their parents after they have passed away, Hadhrat Imam Ahmed Raza Rahmatullahi Ta’ala Alai has states twelve main areas of responsibility:
The first is concerning funeral rites, Bathing, shrouding, the funeral prayer and burial. They should be carried out respecting all the Sunnah and Mustahabs
They should constantly ask for forgiveness on behalf of them and remember them always in their duas.
They should continue to send them reward from Sadqah (charity) and good actions (‘Amal-e-Solihaat). They should pray salaah for their parents with their own Salaah – they should observe fasting on behalf of their parents together with their fasting – in other words whatever good deeds they can send fourth for their parents they should do so. If they do this the reward will not only reach other Muslims and their parents, but the children will also receive the same reward without lessening (even get an increase in it.)
If there was any debt upon the deceased parent, then it is incumbent upon them to relieve it as rapidly as possible – and view it as a blessing to repay the debt of their parent. If they do not have the ability to repay the debt of their parents then they should ask their close relations and friends for donations to repay it. If this too is insufficient then they should ask the good Muslims who wilfully make donations to relieve the debt.
If they have left any debt then they should make great efforts to repay it. If they have not performed the Hajj then they do a pilgrimage of Badal (Hajj Badal). If they had any outstanding Zakah then they should settle it. If they had any outstanding Salaah or fast then they should give penitence (Kafarah) for them.
If the parents had made a permissible (Jaiz) last will (Waseeyah) then they should fulfil it as best they can – even if Shar’an (according to the Islamic Law) they do not have to. For example – they made a last will that some half of the wealth left behind should go to such and such a person (who may even be a non-heir / successor / Waarith) then according to the Islamic law without permission of the heir more than 1/3 of the wealth left behind can’t be given out. regardless of this – the heirs should repeat the wishes of the parents and fulfil their last order.
They should respect and hold true the oths (Qasam) swarn by their parents when alive (e.g) if they sware that my son will never attend such and such a place or will not meet such and such a person or will not do a particular deed then this oath will still be valid after death the children should act according to these oaths (until they are allowed to do so by Shariah) and respect them.
They should visit their graves every Friday and recite the Qur’an in such a manner that they can hear. They should then send all the reward to their souls. If their grave was to ever come in the path of a journey then it is necessary that they stop and say Salaam and recite Fatiha.
They should maintain sound relations with the relatives of their parents. They should maintain the friendship with those who were the friends of their parents – and always have high esteem and respect for them.
Children should never subject their own parents to insult by insulting others’ parents.
One of the greatest responsibilities is that they should never hurt their parents in their graves by acting in a sinful manner. They receive knowledge of all actions of their children – if they see good deeds they are happy and their faces light up in delight – if they see sin they are saddened and shocked.
It is not right for the children to cause sadness to their parents in their graves.
Hadith to support points 1-12 are given below.
Hadith 1: one of the Ansar RadiAllahu Anhu came to the Messenger and said, O messenger of Allah,, is there any method left of good action that I can undertake after the passing away of my parents – he said: “Yes four things: on them Salaah and for them supplication for forgiveness and fulfilling their requests, and maintaning good relations with their friends and relatives – these are the good deeds that should be done after their death. (Baihaqi)
Hadith 2: narrated by Ibn Najjar from Abi Asyad Malik bin Zararah RadiAllahu Anhu, “To maintain good relations with parents means to make supplication for forgiveness after their death”.
Hadith 3: narrated by Tabrani from Anas bin Malik RadiAllahu Anhu “When a man ceaces to make dua for his parents his sustanence (risq) is cut off”.
Hadith 4: Tibrani – from Abdullah bin ‘Umar RadiAllahu Anhu “When any of you performs any supererograty act (Nafl) then they should do them on behalf of their parents since the reward will be given to the parents and there will be no lessening of the reward (of the children)”
Hadith 5: narrated – Dar Qutni One companion came to the blessed presence and stated O Messenger of Allah: I used to maintain good relations with my (father) in his lifetime – how now he has died – how can I maintain good relations now?” The Prophet replied: “After death, good relations is this that with your Salaah pray Salaah for them and fasting, fast on behalf of them. In other words – if you perform any Nafl Salaah or fasting them also do so for them, or make intention when you do a sNafl act since both will be rewarded with no lessening of the reward. (also mentioned in Durre Mukhtar)
Hadith 6: narrated by Tibrani, Dar Qutni from Ibn Abbas RadiAllahu Anhu “Whoever perfomrs Hajj on behalf of his parents or repays a debt on their behalf he will on the day of judgement rise with the pious people”.
Hadith 7: narrated by Sa’d in Tabqat from Uthman bin Arwah RadiAllahu Anhu “The leader of the Muslims Umar RadiAllahu Anhu had at the time of his death a debt of 80,000. At the time of death he called his son Abdullah RadiAllahu Anhu and said: “Concerning my debt, sell my properties, if this is enough then very well if not then ask the people of my relations if not enough still then ask the quraish, apart from these do not ask others.” Then he said to his son, can you secre my debt – to which he agreed. Before the burial of Hadhrat Umar RadiAllahu Anhu Hadhrat Abdullah made all the Ansar and Mujagireen witness that the debt was no longer his fathers, but his. Not even a week had passed, that Hadhrat Abdullah had repayed the 80,000 debt.
Hadith 8: narrated from Ibn Abbas RadiAllahu Anhu in Bukhari A woman (from the clan of Jahniya) RadiAllahu Anha came to the Prophet and said, O Messenger of Allah! My mother had made a vow (Mannat) to go on Hajj – they could not fulfil the vow and she passed away – can I make a pilgrimage on their behalf? He Sallallahu Alaihe Wassallam replied: “Yes do Hajj on her behalf. You would repay a debt of your mother if she had one –wouldn’t you? In this way repay the debt towards Allah since this repayment has greater right. Yes do Hajj on her behalf and see prosperity it brings”.
Hadith 9: narrated from Dar Qutni by Zaid bin Arqam RadiAllahu Anhu “When a man performs a Hajj on behalf of his parents then that Hajj is accepted from himself and his parents and the souls of his parents are pleased in the heavens and this person is written down as being in the group of those who ?? good for their parents”.
Hadith 10: from Dar Qutni narrated by Jabir bin Abdullah RadiAllahu Anhu “Whosoever performs Hajj on behalf of his father or mother then Allah accepts the Hajj from himself and gives him the reward of a further 10 Hajj”.
Hadith 11: from Asbaha and Baihaqi, narrated from Ibn Umar RadiAllahu Anhu “Whoever perfomrs Hajj on behalf (after their death) Allah will cause him to be free from the Hell fire. Far the parents will receive the reward of a complete Hajj without lessening of the reward”.
Hadith 12: from Tibrani narrated by Abdur Rahman bin Samrah RadiAllahu Anhu “Whoever, after the death of his parents, fulfils their vows (Qasam) and relieves their debt, and refrains from bringing curses upon them (by cursing other parents) he will be written in the group of those whoare good to their parents, even if he was disobedient in their lifetime. And whoever does not fulfil their vows, nor relieves their debt, and brings curses upon them by cursing other’s parents, he will be written as disobedient even if he maintained good relations during their lifetime”.
Hadith 14: from Tirmidhi al Arif Billah al hakim RadiAllahu Anhu “Whoever visits the grave of his parents, both or either of them, every Friday, Allah will forgive all of his sins and include him amongst those who do good to parents”.
Hadith 15: Ibn Adi from Siddiq Akbar RadiAllahu Anhu “Whoever visits the graves of his parents or one of them and recites Surah Yaa seeen at the graveside he will be forgiven. In another tradition it is states from Hadhrat Aisha “Whoever visits the grave of both or either of his parents every Friday and recites Surah Yaa Seeen there, Allah will forgive him, the quantity of the number of letters in Surah Yaa Seeen”.
Hadith 16: narrated by Imam Tirmidhi al Hakeem and Ibn Adi from Ibn Umar RadiAllahu Anhum “Whoever (with intention of reward) visits the grave of both or either of his parents will receive the reward the reward equivalent to a complete Hajj. Imam Ibn Jawzi states in his book Aiwaan Al Hakayaat a narration from Muhammad Ibn Abbas Waraq RadiAllahu Anahu “One man went on a journey with his son. On the way the father passed away so the son buried him in a jungle beneath some shrubs and continued on his journey. When he returned from his journey and pasted the same point that his father was buried at, it was night, and he passed his fathers grave without visiting. He then suddenly heard that someone was saying: “I have seen you that you are passing these woods at night and are not considering it a responsibility upon you to talk to the one buried beneath these shrubs. Whereas in those shrubs he is ???, and if he had been in your position and was passing, he would have come to you and said satan.
Hadith 17: from Abu Ya’la and ibn Haban from Inb Umar RadiAllahu Anhuma “He who desires to have good relations with his father in his grave should maintain good rlations with friends and relatives of his father”.
Hadith 18: Tibrani from Anas RadiAllahu Anhu “Having good relations with the fathers are maintained with his friends”.
Hadith 19: from Ahmed, Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawood, Tirmdhi narrated by ibn Umar RadiAllahu Anhu “Indeed of all acts of good relations with the father the greatest of them is that man, after the death of his father maintains good relations with the friends of his father”.
Hadith 20: Bukhari, Tirmidhi, Baihaqi, from ibn Umar RadiAllahu Anhu “Protect the friendships of your father and do not senere them for it is feared that Allah will extinguish your Nur”
Hadith 21: related by Imam Al Hakim from his father Abdul Aziz RadiAllahu Anhu “Every Monday and Thursday actions are presented before Allah; (and they are presented) every Friday to the Prophets and the parents. They are pleased by observing the good actions and the glow and the whiteness of their faces increases. So fear Allah and do not grieve your deceased by your sins”.